||[24 Jun 2008|09:01pm]
so, a much anticipated entry. Work is fun. i've enjoyed my working times very muchly. The lame thing is that after a month of working there i really am just as poor as i started out. I just spent my last $20. lolz. now i have $5 till thursday. I'm used to these kinds of things.
I now have a plan with my money. i decided to join matty on his journey to the europes and stuff. I have to somehow save money but yes. the trip apparentely includes paris, london and new york but i really wanna go to tallinn to see elina! and i mean if anyone else can offer me excellent accomodation (or even sub standard accom. aka shitty couches) and a cheap travel option then i'll come your way. I'd love to go everywhere to be honest but i don't think i'll have all that much time considering i think i would only have 4 weeks annual leave.
i'm not sure what to say in other news. i went to family 40th on saturday. it was hell amusing. awesome. i love all these culturally enriching experiences.
man, my eyeslids are actually falling back together. i might have to sleep/get into bed.
||[03 Jun 2008|06:05pm]
I can't remember where i left off but i think it was something to do with looking for a new job and also needing to leave boost desperately. Well, i can happily say that i have succeeded in doing these two things.
I got a job at News Advatange. Basically, it's a call centre job taking calls and putting people's Classifieds on the newspaper. The newspaper being The Telegraph. I have a feeling the Telegraph is the one that the intellectual folk despise because of it's lack of intellectual integrity. But what am i to know? I ain't one of those smart folk.. and if i were i wouldn't be as snobby.
I started this week and it's been super fun. well, not super tired. i've had immense tiredness and i can see myself getting really addicted to coffee or stimulants in general. I don't even enjoy coffee as well which sucks.
The last few days have been really interesting. I'm really understanding Advertising and all this crazy shit which i kind of ignored for my whole life or at least never put any thought into. I like filling my head with things i've never thought about before. The fun thing is that i get paid tomorrow for it. which is amazing. Most places don't pay people on training for at least 3 weeks.
Everything is looking up. actually it has never really been looking down.
Another thing awesome about my job is that our group of 5 got cut down today. They hired 8 ppl. one went to Courier newspapers 2 went to Cumberland newspapers (aka 18 community newspapers) and 5 of us were on telegraph but some powerful HR came and said there's been a mistake and 3 people have to go over to Cumberland and only two can stay at Telegraph. i said i was really into Telegraph and basically waited until three other people decided to move.
YAAAAY! i prefer the smaller group. i kind of come out of my shell a bit more because a six way discussion about one thing is much harder than a 3 way. i feel more freedom so say things now because i'm not butting in on anyone else or looking like i'm taking the spotlight.
I've missed my little matty though. Since i have the 9-5 schedule these days ad he has the 2pm-11pm schedule it makes seeing one another a bit of a task. Although i'm not too incredibly helpless. He still feels there. In spirit. Sleeping in my bed alone has been weird though. I sprained a leg muscle last night while i was deliriously trying to rip off my sock in the middle of the night. it was entertaining because this morning i was like. "ouch, my leg really hurts. i can't walk. This pain feels so famliar" and then i remembered the moment when i ripped off the socks and then the pain and then me saying "it's ok if you go back to sleep you won't feel it" excellent logical delirious me.
I missed the train again this morning too. This ass of a train guard very clearly saw me running down the stairs in a hurried fashion and then i got to the bottom and was literally no more than 2 metres from the doors and they start to close and the guy did some gesture which was like "there's no chance you're getting on this train" I wasn't really angry although i almost instinctively gave him the finger. I wasn't really angry though. just like, disappointed that peopel get so power trippy and start being un helpful. Like, i was about to get on the train and it was raining and all this crap. I was a little annoyed though at these piece of shit commuters who were taking up the whole stair way which made my dash to the train slightly held up.
anyhow, i made an epic mission to burwood where i got a super express train to central and i was only 5 minutes late whereas if i waited at croyds i would've been 15 minutes late.
Life at Croyds is good. it's bad cause i keep thinking about how annoying it is to have to come and clean up this bedford shit hole.
I think i might go get myself organised and back to 'Royds
Hopefully there will be the most amazing dinner waiting for me. YAY!
||[25 May 2008|01:14pm]
I decided today that it would be a good idea to not go to work. I don't know why. I was brain storming the idea of not going to work on the bus and i'm the type that rather than turning up late i would just claim that i never knew i had a shift. which works for me because boost has this horrible unreliable system of sending your roster via sms. anything can go wrong with sms so yeh. blame that.
it was only a three hour shit anyway but then i thought 3 hours = $50 and right now that could be my phone.internet bill or half of a couch or almost half a weeks rent. whatevers.
we watched the Eurovision last night. i was pretty much irate by the winner. i literally just can't believe that something so.. nothing .. won. like it was incredibly epic and it was really.. tacky and hilarious. it was just nothing. plus an ice skater.
the ice skater was funny.
i can't remember whether i have stated that we got our house. but we have! which is fun.
i was going to be a bit lengthier with this post but i am distracted.
||[21 May 2008|07:00pm]
have had a relatively hilarious day. applied for 10 jobs last night on the interview. got three responses today. had an interview today. i went really well i think but i always seem to do so with jobs i don't particularly want. My whole week has been revolving around my little diary. i'm so glad i have it. i think since then i have been more organised and more willing to organise things.
I'm just dry rot at the moment. So, we actually have to give three weeks notice for out moving out. something about our lease being expired. so we're still gonna have emma's b'day party here. it would be so much fun in an empty house.
i love the naps. i might have a simpsons nap. or at least a simpsons rest.
|leaves and blue lips
||[20 May 2008|06:20pm]
i'm going to be moving out of bedford. very, very sad.
but fun. fun fun fun.
Moving now to a house we got in Croydon and sure croydon seems far out but this works out amazingly. I was getting sick of Newtown a bit. At least i wont have to worry about druken, aggresive fools at the hub every friday anymore. i've lately had this hankering to shrink into suburbia and now it's coming true. living in croydon also makes me - in the same suburb as natasha and also able to jump on a bus right outside of my house straight to outside matt's house which in turn is heaps closer to lara. i won't be ten minutes bus ride from switch, phoebe and anna anymore but i'll somehow live with that. i'll probably find some fantastic route which gets me to their house in the blink of an eye
In other news, My shop closed :( so am kinda unemployed at the moment. but only in the sense that i was supposed to be transferred to another boost but by the time they sprung it on everyone the other boosts had already written their rosters which means i got one 4.5 hour shift this week. suck ass. but somehow it will all work out.
My news of getting a house has actually forced my into a job finding mode. i did say to myself i wouldn't start looking for jobs before i found a house cause trying to juggle house inspections plus job interviews plus kinda working can't happen well right now, i'm without work for a week, i have a house and so naturally i will have to go to job interviews. with my new found attitude.
it would be a lot of simplicity if poppy was defos able to convince bigpond recruitment peeps to give me a job. then it would defos be in the bag.
But i've got so much time off. i need to do some stuff. some of these things include.
1.) find a job
2.) do small things like call food companies which used to sell my fave food products which now appear to have been ?discontinued?
3.) start to organise moving out
4.) clean this mother fucker of a house esp. the backyard. any helpers?
5.) organise something/someone/somehow to transport my stuff to croydon
in other news, i'm pretty darn boring. I've basically focused my whole life and energies around finding a house. and now i have done so. i can focus back on everything else
beudy is coming down on thursday. this shall be fun.
i am paying for her to come down/i already have paid.
well. since i am now out of things to say better go rather than being stale.
|the big picture
||[14 May 2008|11:23am]
I have written nought in 4 weeks. sad.
It feels so boring to bring up the past because it's already happened and i'd much prefer to live now rather than recount all these things that have happened to me.
It really hilarious story.. I had an interview for Bigpond call centre job on friday and i was thinking 'oh god, i can finally leave boost! i hate it so much and blah blah blah' i would have started this monday gone but i didn't get it. I was feeling very lame for the weekends duration because i knew this guy from boost who i used to work with who got the job and well, i wouldn't say he has the best work ethics in the world. infact, i would say he has none. Apparentely i didn't sell myself and i didn't seem like i actually wanted the job. which i think the first part was true but the second part is far from true. so far. anyhow i think i had too much of a bad, contemptuous attitude because i though. hell, salesforce employs EVERYONE and Anyone i'll certainly get it i do't even need to try that hard. but anyhow they asked me if i like selling and i kinda froze up and then admitted i didn't LOVE selling. they also asked me what motivates me and i was so confused. i didn't know in what regards they meant so i launch into this dumb thing about how existing ang life in general motivates.
But yeh, i don't really understand waht motivates me. Until last night i realised that i am motivated by passion. I have passion for so many things, even if it's trivial i'll put everything into it.
blergh. anyhow so after a weekend of feeling down on myself i managaed t compose myself and prep for the long week ahead. I gave myself 47 hours worth of shifts because i need to move out and that requires money for bonds and advance rents and all this crap so yeh i get into teh headspace that i'll ride the boost rainbow until i feel like looking for a new job which wil probably be after i move. i don't want to try and co-ordinate working heaps as well as going to job interviews sporadically as well as house inspections. But then poppy messages me and tells me that she spoke to the recruitment guy at bigpond and she managed to convince him to give me a job. So apparentely when they train the next batch of peeps they'll call me. i hope it does happen and that it wasn't just a brush off statement. It prolly is. i'm ready for that.
In other news. I've worked 24 hours already this week. and it's only 11.30 on a wednesday. i feel crazy. i'm glad i didn't roster myself on for a full day today. that would be the most foolish. I'm pretty damn tired too. I always find myself awake at midnight and i'm always thinking. why don't i jsut sleep. i have to get up in 6 hours. then the idea of sleep seems impossible and so im not ever asleep until like 1.. 5 hours sleep to rest from a 10 hours on my feet day is pretty poor.
This morning i woke up as usual when i alarm went off and i looked at teh time and the next thing i know it's half an hour later. i don't know what happened to that half hour. i fell asleep but i had no recollection of sleeping or anything. bizarre city.
I'm looking forward to The next few weeks though slightly dreading. I think i will have to take this weekend and squeeze it for all it's not worth. I need to be as beige as possible this weekend because the next months worth of weekends are crammed full of activitites. It's pretty heck fire.
Anyhow, i'd better get back to work. i told them i was taking an hour to do errands and call people adn sort shit out and i've spent half an hour making this post. hahz!
||[09 Apr 2008|11:40am]
So very tired.
Sitting in this piece of shit office (not really an office) and i'm scared the ceiling is going to collapse on me and i will die! there are these huge crashes upstairs cause some shitty builers are building.
I'm also mega stress? Why? I'll telll you.
Well, since our little boost converted to a company store A LOT of teh responsibility has been shifted onto me because we don't really have a manager (only the state manager who has to look after like 7 other stores) and so yeh i don't mind having extra responsibilities but the annoying and frustrating fact is that there are so many things i CAN'T do and access because i haven't been given the position of manager. so i have to just identify prolems and then pass them onto state manager man who takes DAYS to fix the problems. he told me he was coming in yesterday to teach me how to do some shit that i already know but there's an extra component that i can't.. but he never showed up. He always says he'll in be in that day and then never shows.. and i call adn say CAN I HAVE THE NUMBER FOR THIS PERSON SO I CAN PERSONALLY FIX THE PROBLEM AND IT WILL BE RESOLVED!? but he just tells me he'll be in or he'll be onto it and call me back.
7 hours later..
no problem fixed
no contact made
not a single gesture.
Oh, i am quite sick of it. and it's only been one week. Anyhow, so i've been doing SO MUCH work last week. like, i could have walked and he would be fucked, in fact, if i DO walk the whole shop will be in shambles.
And i'm worried that boost isn't going to get their act together and pay me for what i DESERVE to be paid.
On Top of this there is this girl who is sick.. and she's usually here everyday but she has pnemonia or some fatal illness so she can't come in for whole week which means i have to do EVEN MORE work finding people to do her shifts/doing her shifts/organising ways it can work.
Thank god it has been raining this week. If it were busy i would die and also shoot myself and also bury myself.
I've been looking at houses lately for moving. I've been in bedford for So long (almost two years) and i think i need to find somewhere new. Though i do love that house i don't think i can handle another cockroach. Last night i was trying to be all ritzy and have some nice wine (goon) while watching The Fatties and eating dinner. but as i put my glass down i noticved some foreign matter in it. I realised it was a cockroach. I'm not sure how it got in there.. but it made me sick.
I think if bedders got a complete makeover i might be more inclined to stay. I dunno. There is this very sweet looking house on Probert Street which is lovely and 3 bedrooms and delicious. I bike rode up there last night to have a peek and i was very cheerful. I would ahve stuck my nose up to the windah but i think people were still living there.
I prolly wont get any of these houses im applying for.. and i guess that will cement me in bedford for another.. few fucking years.
I'm tired and my breaks over. I don't rested but at least i will stop thinking so much about annoying work annoyances.
|the sun is a disco ball
||[12 Mar 2008|12:30pm]
i feel cheerful because i organised to not work today. i woke up and usually when i wake up after accidentally falling asleep after my alarm goes off i'm always thinking 'i bet i have like 5 minutes to get to work' and sure as pie it is 11.30 and i work at 12. GAH
So, yeh after much contemplating over my work roster in my head i figured that the people already working could manage without me and i could ask one girl to stay back till we close and all would be sweet sweet delicious candy.
Last night we went and saw The Black Balloon. it was really sweet and i liked it. i was impressed by every cast member except the extras on the mental hadicap bus and also one secondary character.
I was just so not convinced by any of their acting and when they acted it just seemed like they were acting 'like retards' and that bothered me. but luckily that wasn't much of a feature and i was happy.
We saw a trailer for another aussie movie coming out soon. It's called (and thus is about) some girl's name with Burger at the end.
movie trailers are really fun.
Monday we were meant to see the black balloon but we planned this whole dinner thing and eventually we took too long to eat and yeh didn't go. but the dinner was good. and going out and doing things with friends this week has been so good so far. it is actually really nice to be able to go places and pay for things with my own money and stuff. It's so weird that money doesnt really mean anything to me now. i look and count thousands of dollars daily while i have none in my pockets and so it's given me this weird perception when it comes to moneys.
I think i came to some conclusion where i kinda just realised money wouldn't be something i ever have a lot of and i don't care.
Two of my finers are really manky and crisp. it's disgusting. I think it was partly because the chemicals at work ruin my skin from using them everyday and also putting bleach on someone's head without using gloves kinda worsened it. so now i'm stuck with this little crisp pink fingers.
I'm finding lately i keep having momentary loss of awareness of time and place. i'll be walking to somewhere but for 5 seconds i could be anywhere because this weird flow goes through me and there's no physical things around me.. well, there are but they don't seem to resemble anything familiar to me.
it ain't bad. it seems like it would be something scary. but i dont find it so.
i've been really, really angry at customers lately. with their rudeness. unneccesary rude people. and when i see them being so to my workers i kinda listen in on the conversation and then jump in and tell the rude complaining asshole who is boss. I really am not going to tolerate people that earn 60k a year coming in and making the life of my poor colleagues (who only get like $13 an hour) HELL! People want to act condescending to young people i'm just gonna serve them a big ol dish of condescending right back.
yeh so, disrespectful people are like the only people/things ailing me at the moment.
i'm thinking that respect is so misunderstood. they don't understand what respect is. and it bothers me.
||[10 Mar 2008|03:06pm]
I'm at work. how fun. I was dragged here this morning after a phone call exclaiming that some mole face decided to do a no show. I decided that i was not going to comprimise my sleep and therefore rather than getting up at 8 when they called i got up at 9 like i had planned. When i finally got here at 10 someone had already come in so i had 3 hours to sit around and do nothing since i erally didn't feel much like working so early nor did it look like they needed me around. So i sat in teh office and read mr. manson's autobio.
I must say i have always been pretty obsessed with this man but this really does cement my complete respect for this human being (on the level of never meeting or communicating). I'm really glad that i read it now rather than when i was a little bit less intelligent and when i focused more on the bad and feeling like a victim all the time because it really would have affected me in not the best way.
I've been thinking extensively whilst working today and consequiently i've been very disinterested in everything else i am doing.
Sadly, as much as i would like to, i don't think many of my thoughts will make it into this blog or any other palce for that matter. merely because by the time i get to do so it feels stale. they're not fresh ideas anymore. they're boring.
It's weird with this book. it takes me back to a place where i used to be not the happiest person but at the same time i was happy. I guess i'm finding this hard to articulate at the moment because i often like to be vague on purpose as to not completely sell my soul to everyone and then seem weak adn vulnerable.
I think reading this book i can kind of understand how some people go. Like people that would listen manson's music. They're kinda jaded and kinda unhappy with themselves in their place in society and so when they listen to music that kinda sums up how they feel they react in strange counter-productive ways. I feel a lot of people miss what he is saying a lot. and i'm not talking about christians and conservatives and basically 98% of the living but the fans. I find, from reading his book and what he has to say and where he comes from, people are misreading his lyrics and moving into some weird void.
I think the flaw is not in the misinterpreting fans nor is it the supplier. it's actually no one's fault or flaw it's just the fact that everyone is there own seperate entity that interprets their world in their way. it's all about perception. In this way, you can't have a saviour or a leader that can completely change people. people need to change in their own time and when and if they choose to.
someone may say they're changed but you don't think they have but if they feel different then they are different in some way.
I haven't completely hit the nail on the head with what i'm trying to prod at right now but hopefully by writing this small amount of text i can elaborate later. Once it's written down it gives me a chance to read over it a couple of tiems and then decide whether i really agree with it or not.
On a completely different note, i decided i don't want the benefits which are centrelink payments. i would hardly call them benefits. and i feel bad because i know i used to be this advocate for taking as much from the government as they will let you and also other friends who want to get centrelink can't and they really want to and here i am having it but ignoring it. The reason is because i cannot stand what going there does to my mind. it's very draining and it's not the waiting in lines or anything it's just seeing th thousands of people waiting in line. their whole week revolves around this one fotnightly payment and it breaks my heart and it has for far too long and now that i have at least a leg to stand on (possibly a peg leg) then i should just do what is best for me and not go back.
I also haven't explained my feelings completely on centrelink yet but i'm not entriely sure how at the mo.
My break is drawing to a close so i best be off so i can prepare for another 3 hours of making drinks and resenting a company policy so much.
i'm tempted to launch into a schpeeeel about how much i detest boost but i wont. it's just like an organised religion or a cult. i hate it. hate it.
why push? i think pulling is better. pull things out rather than push things onto.
||[02 Mar 2008|07:40pm]
Currently I am watching So You Think You Can Dance. It so doesn't seem as good as america's. perhaps australian choreographers are shitter. perhaps the dancers are crap.
Anyhow, last night was mardi gras and you know, i completely avoided everything about it and i am so glad for it. You know, if i went out i would have been thinking about how crowded and drunk and annoying people are which would have ruined my night and i'm much glader to have stayed home watching Marie Antionette, America's Next Top Model and The Simpsons.
I was having discussions last night about the whole thing. imagining just a lot of people going out thinking 'oh, i love gay people. they're so fun! and i love how i can go out and just dress crazy!'
it's so dumb. i feel like there is not much of a sense of community and also like a sense patronising from the 'straight community' although i don't even believe in this community bullshit.
So, work has been a joy. a stressful joy. For those who i've not told my boss left to go to Singapore so i've had to be the stand in manager for like two weeeks. which has been pretty fun. and when she gets back she's going to teach me other stuff so i can climb the corporate effing ladder. hopefully i can be a manager. of boost. LOLZ
The stress hasn't been very obvious. i'm not sure why i used the word stressful. what a dumb choice. i feel so unusual right now. I'm going to have a housewife themed party at my little house soon. in a couple weeks. it shall be fun. I would love for my babies to come as all different kinda of housewives. a broad spectrum of housewives. eg. stepford wives,aussie bogan mums (incl. kath and kim style mums), 50s housewives.
endless, endless possibilities.
i have been feeling in a really bloggy mood these days but now (as always) when the situation arises i'm out of the flow.
Oh, i finished reading Chart Throb. it was really a really fun book to read. But, as always with books, I get so annoyed by the conclusions because after a whole novel of complexities and thick plots and shit it gets summarised in one chapter in the end. it's never a gradual letting down of a balloon to be metaphoric. So yeh, longer conclusions please.
anyhow, i might push on and try and do something fun. fun fun fun
||[19 Feb 2008|12:36am]
when i read other people's journals i feel the need to write something.
i feel like i need to write all the time. not in an intellectual way but i like entertaining and i love telling stories. i think i am most happest when i am telling stories and people are appreciating it. It's like Jael on Top Model who says she's a spreader of light. it gives me joy to know i can spread some light to people. to entertain. not necessarily inspire. i liked that i was the funny guy at school. i liked that i was the faggot with the bright pink hair and shit because i entertained.
So, i'm over this weird self-love shit
I'm actually at a point where i am so confused. I'm so torn between things but i'm not consumed by it though it is serious because i think about it like everyday.
I just need to figure out what really are my priorities. and really, i'm content with anything. i'm just thinking about the future...
like, i feel like in a couple of years i will think a certain way and i will look back on now i wish i had chosen the other option. that's why i'm confused.
i just wish i were one bobbing apple.
|wild at heart
||[17 Feb 2008|06:03pm]
i'm listening currently to gloomy sunday by bjork. i am very obsessed with bjork at the moment. and top model. my life could be only that at the moment and i wouldn't care.
i'm cheerful with where i am at these days. i am much more positive and while nothing around me has changed i still remain positive. I come home and my house is the hugest dump i've ever seen in my life but i don't care. well, i care but it doesn't affect the way my mood is. which is nice.
So, the story of the last few days is this. i watched the sequel to Dogville, Manderlay, on wednesday. i kinda liked it. it was swell-ish. I think ..cause i know people who don't like nicole kidman... that they should watch Dogville and actually see that she's a really good actress. Or perhaps she is not a good actress but is just cast really well all the time.
Anyhow, so wednesday also was the day matt's parents got home from new zealand. which sorta ends the me being constantly there thing. We also watched little fish. it was silly of me because i knew i had to work at 7 on thursday as well as do all these other things on thursday including going to gurlesque.
but we watched it. which was slightly relieving because it meant i was able to watch the bigpond movies that i needed to return.. but yeh. we had to have the volume so far down that i couldn't really grasp anything that was really said. of course, i had visual clue. but yeh. hah. and i'm a little stupid. poppy told me today it was called little fish cause the drugs came in those little soy sauce fish.. i thought it was something to do with how she was always swimming. perhaps it was both. anyhow. i liked it.. i liked the surburbia stuff. it was good. but it was not immpressed with this stupid weird flashback of her being a child at the beach. i found it irrelevant. boo!
so, i worked on thursday. which was hecs. then i came home. decided to skip centrelink and then before i knew it i was at gurlesque.
the night was brilliant.. although at times. i felt kinda objectified as a male. like, not that i give much of a shit about gender but it felt a bit like Oh Look We've Let You Come So Just Blah We'll Make Objectifying Remarks and Be Hypocritical.
i was in such a daze due to my little sleep. this person in front of me was taking photogrpahs and the flash was making me really dizzy.
After gurlesque we went to arq by emma's suggestion. which was fun. until a thousand people arrived. when we got there it was so empty.. the 11? of us owned the dnace floor and it was pretty damn sweet.
then there was this horrible vibe of judgement and crap that made me sick and tired and i wanted to go home. came home and partied at home.. till 7.. by this time i realised that i was definetely not going to be able to work the same day later at 1... so i had a brief snooze and phoned work at 11 telling them i wasn't going to come in.. even though when you cant work you're supposed to organise for someone else to take it for you.. yeh. i was too lazy for it. plus Lin is a bitch.
So. then friday night after deliberation i went to the Carnival Of Electric Illusions. Toy Theme. That was my most motivation. anyhow so i had a few knick knacks that i had bought from the $2 shop the day before when i was more motivated to go. So yeh i was a superglueing and a tying and a pinning things to me.. so i went and i accidentally looked so good that i won the king of the electric illusions. aka best dressed. haha.
i had a strange home. perhaps because two friends had smacky pills and one friend was so drunk and had to go home. so then i basically just left alone. sad.
so i got some photos
( Here They AreCollapse )
|tie tie tie tie tie tie tie
||[05 Feb 2008|07:14am]
i'm up so earlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....
and also alone. at matt's house.
yeh, so his family has gone away to new zealand and the house is ours!! well, apart from his brother plus like 50 of his friends. but they're not here atm.
so, following up on my trip to brisbane i have a couple of photos. The dumb thing is that i have no photographic documentation of any of the staying. only the journeying.
the train was really fun but i chose to wear unflattering clothes so i'm not posting any pictures. it was fun though. the plane i shall. because i didn't idotically try and take photos of myself or have someone looming over trying to catch snapshot after snapshot of me.
in other news. i think i've somehow become top dog at boost. kinda by people 'superior' to me leaving.
ha! so, yeh. me and that thing.
i wish i could travel loads next year. but it's nearly impossible for me to save.. plus, i think i'd have to barge it most of the time because while flying was fun i don't like the idea of soiling myself everytime i go to a new destination.
i was just sitting there thinking for a second and i was thinking about writing that i was a little more cheerful lately. but, i realised i was SO angry yesterday. every person in the world's face pissed me off so chronically. and oh yeah, i HATE marrickville.
i hate it! it STINKS so badly. it's all BUTCHERS and TWO DOLLAR SHOPS! it;s the cheap, meaty dump. and there are all these old insane people who smoke. and there's just something about old people smoking that really disgusts me. like, i think i already imagine them stinking a bit but when you add smoking to the equation. i think i just imagine smelling their mouths and it being the worst thing in the world.
so, i had better get along with putting up these photos and then possibly sleeping again or maybe having some sort of energy drink or if it comes to it, coffee.
( hairy nungsCollapse )
|will i match the decor?
||[31 Jan 2008|11:37pm]
so i had a little journey to brisbane. it was fun. anxious at times. but enjoyable.
let's start at the beginning shall we?
it all begins last thursday at 4.20pm when our train left central station. so yes, we got the train up. matty decided that 1) he was too bourge to travel economy or even first class 2) he was also too LARGE to fit comfortably for 14 hours so we got this sleeper cabin/private little room.
It was fun. and luckily, as planned, i said i would pay for an economy ticket ($60) and he would pay the rest. which ended up being 210 dollars extra. LOLZ!
would have been cheaper but i had to travel as an adult as opposed to a concession. boring.
So we had a fabulous time in the little cabin. stopped at some pretty country towns. Dungog. Casino. other places.. but those were the main ones where everyone jumped out to have a cigarette.
so yeh. it really felt like 5 hours or possibly 8 hours as opposed to 14.
Upon arrival at Roma Street Train Station Brisbane i begin thinking
1) i think EVERYBODY must aspire to be a builder up here
2) the arichitecture is hideous
3) it just feels like a completely different world up here. like a warped Penrith or something.
anyhow. we went bowling and i got in trouble from this beast of a womyn because i was eager to play.. i spent a very drunk australia day, i swam a bit and my tan grew. :S
met all of matty's friends. that was fun. had a picnic.. oh and saw SWEENEY TODDDDD! oh, it was marvellous. i was especially in love with helena bonham carter the whole time. but i guess i always am so that came as no surprise.
i was really impressed with tim burts and i think it's his best since.. whatever film preceeded big fish.
there was a time when we visited south bank. that was hideous. it was monday or sunday of the australia day weekend and also school holidays and so naturally a thousand people were trying to swim and it was hideous. esp a thousand people with southern cross tattoos which was pure hell. everyone there was hideous and staring. yuck.
i spent days dying on the inside because i was so upset with humanity. I was anxious everytime i left the house and i was wanted to go home at one point. i almost did.
then we went to the andy warhol exhibition and i creamed. it was amazing. so HUGE. it was AMAZINGLY HUGE!
i felt unusual about looking at the time capsule things.
i bought a book for $40 which is fat.
then we went to a vegan restaurant/cafe called The Forrest which was pretty fantastic. i was also particuarly pleased because i saw hippies (and lesbians!) and it was a lovely change to the very patriotic looking australian types/crazy surburbanites.
on the day of coming home i was the happiest i had been since the day we got there.. i was screaming out the windows of the car and such. I got my first ever plane. i was shitting myself the whole first half hour.. it felt like a carnival ride. so i was expecting to go up and then instantly down.. only instantly down was the ocean. so i was scared. but then we go to the clouds.. and it was epic and i almost cried. i got this whole new appreciation of clouds and the world from seeing it from numerous thousand metres above. i took photos but they're on matt's camera. i took a photo of bondi beach. tee hee.
but yeh flying was pretty epic. though i was quite prepared to die the whole time. i'm glad it only went for an hour too.
it's sad because for the two weeks before i left for bris and eating well and losing 4 kilos i put it ALL back on when i was there.. and i just feel like a hideous, greasy junk food kid again.
i must eat only fruit for days. but FRUIT IS SO YUCK HERE. i had this nectarine up there and it was the most amazing nectarine i've ever eaten. i had an orange today at work and it was like eating round piss.
so, working again, pondering, cleaning the house. back to normal. the stresses i forgot while being away have come back. though i feel gypped because it wasn't like my holiday was stress free. it was lovely though to see some beautiful people.
but it's lovely to see attractive people again.
|looking glass heroes.
||[20 Jan 2008|04:26am]
i have been doing alot of looking tonight.
you what really irritates me? i've beeen watching all this footage on youtube about that Corey guy who had the party and his parents weren't home.. ok, so people have BIG parties all the time. he's a horrible, stupid idiot but he represents a broad spectrum of boys in the age range of 16-25. they're all alike. Why is it HIM that is horrible when there are a thousand other horrible, misongynistic fuckwits getting girls really drunk and then photographing them with their tops off. I'm sure this happens like 50,000 times a weekend. why him? really , seriously. WHY?
so, i have not much sympathy for the guy but i feel sorry that he alone is targetted for doing somethign wrong when there are a thousand other people doing the SAME wrong thing. Like, when those fuckwit troops dressed up in KKK garbe they were just 'letting off steam' why is this guy not 'letting of steam' why is he the menace to society that we should hate. Where's John Howard when you need him?
Point is, bullshit television tries to convince us that we live in this utopian society where there are only a few misfits who ruin everything for everyone else.
i want to gather every beautiful person that i know and move to some island and live. i will take some builders too. force them to build stuff and then drown them.
In other news, i woke up on the cusp of evening and night tonight. it's well depressing. i don't like not being awake during the day. it's boring.
Cinnamon is growing less and less sweet. I mean he was already so horrible to start off with but has been getting sourer more and more every day.
i need to do something amazing with my time. i wish i had a camera. i could photograph things. i oculd become like one of those hermit photographers who just take photos of themselves and post them on the internet.
i want to be out and doing stuff but my agoraphobic ways get in the way ALL THE TIME! i wish i had a crowbar. or a gun... just for scaring the shit out of fuckwits.. only because, to them, death is the scariest thing. well, maybe occaisonal death.
ok, so was thinking. i'm really stupid so i need a bit of help with knowing how the whole police investigation system works. say i killed someone. like, jsut shot them.. and then i went home.. and stayed at home.. how would they find me?
oh, would they be able to identify the bullet and then know which gun it's from and then know that i bought it?
but what if i dug the bullet out?
dug it out of their blown apart face?
i really don't give a shit about people any more. they're boring.
boring is the word i fall back on because of my limited vocabulary.
the only reason i want to kill people is because i know that death is something that most people fear the more than anything and i just want to show fuckwit homophobic, sexist etc people what fear is. show them how their general messed up way of acting makes me feel every day.
i feel this is the most i've opened up to livejournal ever.
the most i've opened up to anything in the last month.
i have opened up greater. but it was far too metaphoric and wasn't understood.
and i fear now, i've lost a portion of my dignnity. which makes me annoyed. and depresses me more.
there are a thousand things i'd rather be doing now. like setting the house on fire and feeling teh flames burn my skin.
||[18 Jan 2008|04:48am]
life is hell.
it's gone back to it's old ways and it's not very nice.
not nice at all.
last night an amusing thing happened to me. i was trying to tone my beautiful blonde hair. and i used this stuff which is from matty's hair salon which he stole when he was an apprentice.
and i used it..and it accidentally turned my hair grey! not like i'm sad. it looks alright. it's only annoying because those many months ago when i really wanted grey/silver hair and i tried SO much and it basically left me with very short patheti hair. and it jsut happens to go the colour i wanted it to go BY ACCIDENT last night.
it's 4:58. i make no sense. i went to sleep at 12 midnight last night adn woke up at 9.30 so you'd expect i;d be able to get to sleep. but no. there's this mosquito in my room and it buzzes around my ear with it's high pitched shriek. oh, it's so irritating. and then it bites me. BOO! it just wont go away. once i was slightly delirius and i accidentally smacked myself in the face thinking i was going to smoosh the mosquito.
I've been a very healthy child these last few days. i gave up snacks, dairy and everything else that made me put on lots of weight at the end of last year. it makes me think that if everyone didn't eat dairy they'd be nice and not fatty.
matty and i had a vegan pizza tonight. it was delicious except they were a little liberal with the garlic which wasn't a problem at the time. now, maybe it is.
So, today is friday. i like working on fridays. i get to work with natasha- my work bestie.
*newsflash- the shitty mosquito just flew tauntingly past my face. what a cunt*
i really wish cocorosie would come back to sydney and play a show. for me. cause i missed out last time.
i'm so very tired. but sleep is daunting. i'm going to have to force myself out of bed and get all awake somhow tomozzie. junk food is so hideous. i don't know what it is about it that makes it so amazing and additive. but i've gone like a week with not eating any crisps or chocolate or.. anything else bad. soft drink..
my lunch the past two days has been quite impressive. i might use a bit of my coles voucher to buy my lunch tomozzie. ha!
i have to also get my window fixed because it's causing me some great amount of grief. i had to rearrange my room for fear of someone hurling a brick through the already broken window and it falling on my face when i was sleeping and me consequently dying. in my sleep.
work is so strange these days. in the three weeks i took off i grew away from all the stupid stuff that goes on there. i don't care for any of these children's dramas. it's so hideous.
i just they (and like 1000% of the population would realise) that if you are going to surround yourself in negative energy it's going to affet you and make you more and more negative.
these kids think that can say horrible things about each other and for some reason when the negativity backfires on them they get upset and complain to the boss who in turn gets angry and it's just this everlasting circle of negativity.
the really need to listen to their own words and 'grow up'.
it's unusual the amount that i've 'grown up' in my head the last few months.
but often bad places can take you eventually to better, more enlightened, places.
i've been applying for new jobs too. no, not new, additional jobs.
i have this guilt about leaving. Sue will be left with no one who knows what they're doing and that's sad. i know i should do what i want.. and this is what i want to do. the main reason i want to stay is because i LIKE it and i WANT to stay.
but yeh. i need another job.. for the money. money money money give it to me. and then put it into my bank account and save it.
and then go to japan.
matty and i are going to brisbane next week. actually, i think by this time we should be arriving or about to arrive there. we're getting the train, you see? such a fun adventure. so so long on a train. i want to get a crossword book.
gosh, bjork is in even less than a week. i am shitting myself. i had better phone them and ask when i can go and get my tickets.
i watched little miss sunshine last night. it was really good. i wasn't expecting to like it so much. but the little girl and her brother reminded me heaps of my brother and sister and that made me sad. i supressed my tears under a doona.
this post has left me sufficiently tired and drained. yay! accomplishment.
im going to do wind down things.. like not write out my thoughts and instead bottle them up inside my head.
p.s. i just said that my entry has adult concepts. what an amusing piece of shit.
||[27 Nov 2007|01:25pm]
thought i might post a little post to set in concrete what i have been doing....
feeling depressed, but creative. the upside to feeling like shit.
work is alright these days. Though i was met with news today of a not so amazing nature. the girl who i dislike because she's just hideous was going to leave because this other girl was leaving who shes obsessed with adn wants to be all like...
ha 19! acts like a fucking 12 year old. anyhow. turns out the girl is STAYING and therefore my mortal enemy will probably also stay because she's so obsessed. She's seriously so pathetic.
She copies all of her mannerisms, drinks the same drinks as her. GAH!
it's kind of sad and i feel mean about being a bitch about her but she was horrible to me for so long and while she may be subduing now i am still not for getting how horrible i was treated.
i miss having my laptop. if not to set up the printer.
can i set up a printer/scanner/photocopier without a computer. cause i only want to use to photocopier part...
my eyes are so sleepy. i watched batman last night. i was amused when i realised i was wearing a batman shirt.
i really like hoe nicole kidman isn't wispy in batman forever. most other films she is kinda wispy. like she has this breathy voice that's kind of frustrating
i'm prolly gonna be bustled out soon. matty wants to do some shopping
i'm reading the bell jar currently and yes, i know, i should have read it years ago and you're sick of people saying how amazing it is.. but it is literally so good. it is me. as a girl.. and a little more naive...
i smell yoghurty.. i think it's because i just recrossed my legs and the yoghurty foot is close to my nose now.. yuck hate smelling dairy-ish everyday.
it's almost christmas. i have this amazing idea for gifts for some people.. hopefully i cna execute said plan.
that would be joy.. and if i can't.. that will be killjoy
well. i'd best be off. i've said not much of substance.
p.s. when i saw patrick wolf ages ago it was so fucking phenomenol..
all the gigs and shit i've seen this year have been really amazing but all were on such different levels that i couldn't pick a favourite but this recent was just so amazing.. even if he didn't seem so intimate. there were lots of emotions.. and i think i am just a sucker for largeness.. i.e. his songs didn't effect me as much acoustically as opposed to when he played them with a full band.. it was just like a 90 minute full body orgasm
i've just had to fix the spelling of 'just'
in my frantic typing i always spell 'jsut.'
i get to see ms. zoe in mere days.
oh i miss that super grrrrlll..
| the brock-age
||[25 Oct 2007|05:50pm]
i feel so incredibly tired. I got home to find my room is being used as a storage place.
this is something that makes me really angry about having the front room. People don't respect my privacy at all. No one ever views my room as a ROOM! it's a thoroughfare, a hang out spot, a place to put things to get them out of the way but never as MY ROOM!
i'm a little fuming. I want people to fuck off. i'm stressed and annoyed constantly by people's intensity and input and intrusiveness.
you know how when you have a friend and then they become in a relationship with someone and you become friends with their partner but when they break up you aren't friends anymore.
i feel like that's happening. it feels like when emma and aaron aren't together anymore i wont be friends with him. it's sad. my mindset may change but currently. i dunno. i still love him but i feel distant and blocked from him.
I also finally know what it feels like to be the third wheel and it's so hideous.
having two people in their own little world and when i try to join in i get ignored. it feels so shit.
i wish it were friday. i'm so very exhausted.
i'm glad matt's coming over tonight. it will be nice to have someone around who i feel is on my level. Nice to know someone will listen and understand.
have i only been a hideous, tired, depressed, hermit asshole since i've had this job? i dunno. i think this may be the cause. I constantly feel hard done by. Coming home and the house is a sty.
i'm trying to motivate myself to clean the house. it sucks when i'm in so much pain because i've been on my feet all day, doing strenuous activities. It really gives me a sense of respect for all the macdonald's and chain hospitality industry kids. They work so hard and people are such cunts to them . I'm never going to be rude to any person working in that kind of job ever again. It's sad.
It's so very patronising.
my eyes hurt. i must clean.
||[20 Oct 2007|09:45pm]
when i signed in i noticed i hadn't made a post in 5 weeks. That is a long time to be without livejournally posties.
I feel really anxious. I keep living in fear for my safety. I've not a safety net in the world. Not even here, at little emma's house.
Bad people are really draining my spirits. I think i really need to get away from it all somehow. The depressing thought is that i will only ever truly escape things if i died. This isn't some problem i can control. How can i go around the whole world and change like 5 billion people's minds about things. Stop them being evil assholes.
Even an event which promotes itself as being this all accepting, creative community had a dumb illogical bitch who accused rah and shelagh of wiggling a glow stick in her face and tormenting her and then asking us to leave.
Don't really want to go into it. just noting it down for later. Had the worst kinda panic attack or some shit today. Going in the car to The mountains. had to pull over. man i was hell. crying and hyperventilating. bah. it felt so bad.
im trying to think of other things i've done. I'm hating work. but i might use being 20 as an excuse to get out. they don't want old people working in hospitalilty. esp. places like BOOST. i'd be too expensive. so yeh. i feel really tired but i can't sleep. it's too hot and i feel like emma's brother will come home with drunken friends and antagonise me and matty.
stupid, stupid fear.
I think being spat on in NEWTOWN! 2 minutes from my own house was kind of the nail in the coffin of me turning into a hermit.
It was good that matty has finally turned 18. we've been out twice and i'm pretty sure he's had a good time. man, i had a fucking delicious night last night dancing like i've never danced before. literally. I have never MOVED like that in my life of dancing. It was fun fun FUN!
and we had sly fox cocktails which might become a regular thing if we become rich/can save our pennies because they're just so delicious and how can you say no to $6!?
Our short lived Bedford Gang is coming to an unofficial end. This only being caused by Tan and Dan leaving. :(
little dani is moving back to little newcies and it's gonna be a sad day for all.
we're planning on giving her sentimental gifts.
it's really crap how i have been avoiding livejournal because i could have written a novel on here with everything i have been thinking and writing in my head lately. bah!
i've totally run out of things to say but i wanted to do this so that i could kind of motivate myself to keep going.
my little boy bromley went to the doctor the other day. He's a healthy little catty who is a good fighter. but possibly depressed about getting into the fights. poor brom.
|sydney sydney trash trash clash
||[12 Sep 2007|03:43pm]
hey hoo. I was thinking so much today at work. I needed to spill. It sucks. maybe i should start taking a notebook to work.
It's not even deep thoughts. Just amusing things i think and i can't share with anyone. Or little observations which i want to draw something from later on..
People need to stop being sad. I mean being sad/pathetic in my eyes. Just doing these really cute things that make me feel horrible. I think i get into these kinda moods when i'm a bit tired. I think my mind just absorbs lots of stuff that makes me all empathetic or something about things i shouldn't be feeling upset about.
I felt sad when i was in Hungry Jacks today. Ok, yes i went again but today i had no cash so i could only go to a place with eftpos.. and i went into macdonald's and then realised it was STILL breakfast and i left. Luckily HJs does not restrict their menus to certain times of the day. Oh, it's totally foul and stupid.
Anyhow yeh sad at people eating alone. I got sad at this woman today who was rummaging through her purse for her coins to buy a delicious smoothie or something. Then rummaging for her stamp card and then popping them on the table so she could get her purse back in her handbag. And this was before anyone had even went to the register to serve her. Oh my goodness. that sounds so sad.
Sadder than even when i saw it.
We have a new girl at work. Her name's Natasha. I gonna suss her out and see if we can be friends. I spose i am kinda friends with Sam. It was weird. My whole life i have never been able to converse with boys or anything and when i work at Boost the boys are my first 'friends'. And one of them is like a total straight boy. with blokey friends who drink cases of beer. HA!
It's weird. Lin and I are regarded with such regard now with Sue. Like, she was assuring me that even though we are getting some more people me, lin, herself and the other peopel who have been there for 6 months plus will be top priority with shifts and stuff. HA! i've only been there a month. there's a chick who's been there 18.
I talk about work so much. My feet are crispy. I'm going release them from my socks
I have this short term goal. It's so either become a really good singer and then go on australian idol and sing 'australian idol' the song by kate miller-heidke. Oh, it's fucken hilarious. The other option is get someone already amazing to go on. That would be fabulous. I would be so amused on so many levels.
I bought The Noons big album. It's alright. It has some very CAFE moments. chilled out, flutey, jazzy. Also, some very bland moments. Not vocally outstanding but yeh. It's more of like a musical experimentation or something. Anyhow. Oh. there is a bonus CD and it is seriously the highlight of the whole album. It's a little live EP. It has breathe in now and special ones and also two covers one being that kinda annoying song 'crazy' by gnarls barkley and the other is some cold chisel cover 'choir girl' i think the name is.. and then this song which she oerformed at our gig which was untitled at the time. But it was so good. and im so glad that song was recorded and put on a cd. i love it.
anyhow. with the knowledge that the album wasn't gonna be fantastic i bought the Two of a Kind Cd. the one with Kates and Maggs Noons. Cause. well, it was there and i had money and yeh i thought operatic mother and daughter combo would be fantastic for my less-than-hard-to-please ears.
So. yeh. I've been really good with my credit card. I've been paying it back and shit.
I'm too smart to get a huge credit card debt. I don't want to seem arrogant but seriously i am being so rational about the whole credit sitch. It's like borrowing money from myself that i can slowly pay back. I've gotta pay some people back for various things i just reminded myself.
ok. keep that in the forefront of your mind, aarinyyy.
I'm also too smart to get addicted to drugs. I know, sounds arrogant, but seriously i enjoy my life when i don't take drugs jsut as much. I view having fun with friends, doing drugs on another level. When they start to merge it becomes a problem and i would see it straight away and do something about it. I have too much to do with my life to fuck it up with something stupid and expensive. I.E. CREDIT CARD, DRUGS etc. money is shit.
Yeh. too much passion for things and potential talent that i don't want to tarnish because i know of some people who have been fucking amazing artists but became drug addicts and lost all their art works and money and .. bah. what an existence.
im exciting because tonight is Chaser/Summer Heights High. *is excited*
the latter is fucking brilliant. I should go and buy We Can Be Heroes.
bah. spend. need. want. blah.
Hey. earthdance is coming up and i think Brown?/Black?/Inky? Emma is maybe going to make us 'sydney trash' shirts. It's kinda of this snide, bitchy way of throwing something in someone's face who said something bullshit the other day which offended numerous.
anyhow. i have been on here typing since i got home.. which was an hour ago. and here i was wanting to have a nap. GAH!
Man. yesterday and today i got this horrible surge of tiredness which i have never felt for ages. or if i have i haven't been standing up having to work and stuff. humg
I was thinking about works. And how i use them in my vocabulary.
i was going to write a paragraph about it but i cant write properly anymore. I couldn't string it together. I wanted other's perspectives but gahballs.
ok. i might go and nap and finish of ms convos and shit. watch the simpsons and sleep. HAH!