giggle face

so, a much anticipated entry. Work is fun. i've enjoyed my working times very muchly. The lame thing is that after a month of working there i really am just as poor as i started out. I just spent my last $20. lolz. now i have $5 till thursday. I'm used to these kinds of things.
I now have a plan with my money. i decided to join matty on his journey to the europes and stuff. I have to somehow save money but yes. the trip apparentely includes paris, london and new york but i really wanna go to tallinn to see elina! and i mean if anyone else can offer me excellent accomodation (or even sub standard accom. aka shitty couches) and a cheap travel option then i'll come your way. I'd love to go everywhere to be honest but i don't think i'll have all that much time considering i think i would only have 4 weeks annual leave.

i'm not sure what to say in other news. i went to family 40th on saturday. it was hell amusing. awesome. i love all these culturally enriching experiences.

man, my eyeslids are actually falling back together. i might have to sleep/get into bed.
  • Current Music
    many drunken murmurs.

lovely face

I can't remember where i left off but i think it was something to do with looking for a new job and also needing to leave boost desperately. Well, i can happily say that i have succeeded in doing these two things.
I got a job at News Advatange. Basically, it's a call centre job taking calls and putting people's Classifieds on the newspaper. The newspaper being The Telegraph. I have a feeling the Telegraph is the one that the intellectual folk despise because of it's lack of intellectual integrity. But what am i to know? I ain't one of those smart folk.. and if i were i wouldn't be as snobby.

I started this week and it's been super fun. well, not super tired. i've had immense tiredness and i can see myself getting really addicted to coffee or stimulants in general. I don't even enjoy coffee as well which sucks.

The last few days have been really interesting. I'm really understanding Advertising and all this crazy shit which i kind of ignored for my whole life or at least never put any thought into. I like filling my head with things i've never thought about before. The fun thing is that i get paid tomorrow for it. which is amazing. Most places don't pay people on training for at least 3 weeks.
Everything is looking up. actually it has never really been looking down.
Another thing awesome about my job is that our group of 5 got cut down today. They hired 8 ppl. one went to Courier newspapers 2 went to Cumberland newspapers (aka 18 community newspapers) and 5 of us were on telegraph but some powerful HR came and said there's been a mistake and 3 people have to go over to Cumberland and only two can stay at Telegraph. i said i was really into Telegraph and basically waited until three other people decided to move.
YAAAAY! i prefer the smaller group. i kind of come out of my shell a bit more because a six way discussion about one thing is much harder than a 3 way. i feel more freedom so say things now because i'm not butting in on anyone else or looking like i'm taking the spotlight.

I've missed my little matty though. Since i have the 9-5 schedule these days ad he has the 2pm-11pm schedule it makes seeing one another a bit of a task. Although i'm not too incredibly helpless. He still feels there. In spirit. Sleeping in my bed alone has been weird though. I sprained a leg muscle last night while i was deliriously trying to rip off my sock in the middle of the night. it was entertaining because this morning i was like. "ouch, my leg really hurts. i can't walk. This pain feels so famliar" and then i remembered the moment when i ripped off the socks and then the pain and then me saying "it's ok if you go back to sleep you won't feel it" excellent logical delirious me.

I missed the train again this morning too. This ass of a train guard very clearly saw me running down the stairs in a hurried fashion and then i got to the bottom and was literally no more than 2 metres from the doors and they start to close and the guy did some gesture which was like "there's no chance you're getting on this train" I wasn't really angry although i almost instinctively gave him the finger. I wasn't really angry though. just like, disappointed that peopel get so power trippy and start being un helpful. Like, i was about to get on the train and it was raining and all this crap. I was a little annoyed though at these piece of shit commuters who were taking up the whole stair way which made my dash to the train slightly held up.

anyhow, i made an epic mission to burwood where i got a super express train to central and i was only 5 minutes late whereas if i waited at croyds i would've been 15 minutes late.

Life at Croyds is good. it's bad cause i keep thinking about how annoying it is to have to come and clean up this bedford shit hole.

I think i might go get myself organised and back to 'Royds

Hopefully there will be the most amazing dinner waiting for me. YAY!


I decided today that it would be a good idea to not go to work. I don't know why. I was brain storming the idea of not going to work on the bus and i'm the type that rather than turning up late i would just claim that i never knew i had a shift. which works for me because boost has this horrible unreliable system of sending your roster via sms. anything can go wrong with sms so yeh. blame that.
it was only a three hour shit anyway but then i thought 3 hours = $50 and right now that could be my phone.internet bill or half of a couch or almost half a weeks rent. whatevers.
we watched the Eurovision last night. i was pretty much irate by the winner. i literally just can't believe that something so.. nothing .. won. like it was incredibly epic and it was really.. tacky and hilarious. it was just nothing. plus an ice skater.
the ice skater was funny.
i can't remember whether i have stated that we got our house. but we have! which is fun.

i was going to be a bit lengthier with this post but i am distracted.


have had a relatively hilarious day. applied for 10 jobs last night on the interview. got three responses today. had an interview today. i went really well i think but i always seem to do so with jobs i don't particularly want. My whole week has been revolving around my little diary. i'm so glad i have it. i think since then i have been more organised and more willing to organise things.
I'm just dry rot at the moment. So, we actually have to give three weeks notice for out moving out. something about our lease being expired. so we're still gonna have emma's b'day party here. it would be so much fun in an empty house.
i love the naps. i might have a simpsons nap. or at least a simpsons rest.

leaves and blue lips

i'm going to be moving out of bedford. very, very sad.
but fun. fun fun fun.
Moving now to a house we got in Croydon and sure croydon seems far out but this works out amazingly. I was getting sick of Newtown a bit. At least i wont have to worry about druken, aggresive fools at the hub every friday anymore. i've lately had this hankering to shrink into suburbia and now it's coming true. living in croydon also makes me - in the same suburb as natasha and also able to jump on a bus right outside of my house straight to outside matt's house which in turn is heaps closer to lara. i won't be ten minutes bus ride from switch, phoebe and anna anymore but i'll somehow live with that. i'll probably find some fantastic route which gets me to their house in the blink of an eye

In other news, My shop closed :( so am kinda unemployed at the moment. but only in the sense that i was supposed to be transferred to another boost but by the time they sprung it on everyone the other boosts had already written their rosters which means i got one 4.5 hour shift this week. suck ass. but somehow it will all work out.
My news of getting a house has actually forced my into a job finding mode. i did say to myself i wouldn't start looking for jobs before i found a house cause trying to juggle house inspections plus job interviews plus kinda working can't happen well right now, i'm without work for a week, i have a house and so naturally i will have to go to job interviews. with my new found attitude.

it would be a lot of simplicity if poppy was defos able to convince bigpond recruitment peeps to give me a job. then it would defos be in the bag.

But i've got so much time off. i need to do some stuff. some of these things include.
1.) find a job
2.) do small things like call food companies which used to sell my fave food products which now appear to have been ?discontinued?
3.) start to organise moving out
4.) clean this mother fucker of a house esp. the backyard. any helpers?
5.) organise something/someone/somehow to transport my stuff to croydon

in other news, i'm pretty darn boring. I've basically focused my whole life and energies around finding a house. and now i have done so. i can focus back on everything else

beudy is coming down on thursday. this shall be fun.
i am paying for her to come down/i already have paid.

well. since i am now out of things to say better go rather than being stale.

stale snakes.
  • Current Music
    antony and the johnsons - frankenstein

the big picture

I have written nought in 4 weeks. sad.

It feels so boring to bring up the past because it's already happened and i'd much prefer to live now rather than recount all these things that have happened to me.
It really hilarious story.. I had an interview for Bigpond call centre job on friday and i was thinking 'oh god, i can finally leave boost! i hate it so much and blah blah blah' i would have started this monday gone but i didn't get it. I was feeling very lame for the weekends duration because i knew this guy from boost who i used to work with who got the job and well, i wouldn't say he has the best work ethics in the world. infact, i would say he has none. Apparentely i didn't sell myself and i didn't seem like i actually wanted the job. which i think the first part was true but the second part is far from true. so far. anyhow i think i had too much of a bad, contemptuous attitude because i though. hell, salesforce employs EVERYONE and Anyone i'll certainly get it i do't even need to try that hard. but anyhow they asked me if i like selling and i kinda froze up and then admitted i didn't LOVE selling. they also asked me what motivates me and i was so confused. i didn't know in what regards they meant so i launch into this dumb thing about how existing ang life in general motivates.

But yeh, i don't really understand waht motivates me. Until last night i realised that i am motivated by passion. I have passion for so many things, even if it's trivial i'll put everything into it.

blergh. anyhow so after a weekend of feeling down on myself i managaed t compose myself and prep for the long week ahead. I gave myself 47 hours worth of shifts because i need to move out and that requires money for bonds and advance rents and all this crap so yeh i get into teh headspace that i'll ride the boost rainbow until i feel like looking for a new job which wil probably be after i move. i don't want to try and co-ordinate working heaps as well as going to job interviews sporadically as well as house inspections. But then poppy messages me and tells me that she spoke to the recruitment guy at bigpond and she managed to convince him to give me a job. So apparentely when they train the next batch of peeps they'll call me. i hope it does happen and that it wasn't just a brush off statement. It prolly is. i'm ready for that.

In other news. I've worked 24 hours already this week. and it's only 11.30 on a wednesday. i feel crazy. i'm glad i didn't roster myself on for a full day today. that would be the most foolish. I'm pretty damn tired too. I always find myself awake at midnight and i'm always thinking. why don't i jsut sleep. i have to get up in 6 hours. then the idea of sleep seems impossible and so im not ever asleep until like 1.. 5 hours sleep to rest from a 10 hours on my feet day is pretty poor.

This morning i woke up as usual when i alarm went off and i looked at teh time and the next thing i know it's half an hour later. i don't know what happened to that half hour. i fell asleep but i had no recollection of sleeping or anything. bizarre city.

I'm looking forward to The next few weeks though slightly dreading. I think i will have to take this weekend and squeeze it for all it's not worth. I need to be as beige as possible this weekend because the next months worth of weekends are crammed full of activitites. It's pretty heck fire.

Anyhow, i'd better get back to work. i told them i was taking an hour to do errands and call people adn sort shit out and i've spent half an hour making this post. hahz!
  • Current Music
    y kant tori read - tori amos

bleeding feet

So very tired.
Sitting in this piece of shit office (not really an office) and i'm scared the ceiling is going to collapse on me and i will die! there are these huge crashes upstairs cause some shitty builers are building.
I'm also mega stress? Why? I'll telll you.
Well, since our little boost converted to a company store A LOT of teh responsibility has been shifted onto me because we don't really have a manager (only the state manager who has to look after like 7 other stores) and so yeh i don't mind having extra responsibilities but the annoying and frustrating fact is that there are so many things i CAN'T do and access because i haven't been given the position of manager. so i have to just identify prolems and then pass them onto state manager man who takes DAYS to fix the problems. he told me he was coming in yesterday to teach me how to do some shit that i already know but there's an extra component that i can't.. but he never showed up. He always says he'll in be in that day and then never shows.. and i call adn say CAN I HAVE THE NUMBER FOR THIS PERSON SO I CAN PERSONALLY FIX THE PROBLEM AND IT WILL BE RESOLVED!? but he just tells me he'll be in or he'll be onto it and call me back.
7 hours later..
no problem fixed
no contact made
not a single gesture.

Oh, i am quite sick of it. and it's only been one week. Anyhow, so i've been doing SO MUCH work last week. like, i could have walked and he would be fucked, in fact, if i DO walk the whole shop will be in shambles.
And i'm worried that boost isn't going to get their act together and pay me for what i DESERVE to be paid.

On Top of this there is this girl who is sick.. and she's usually here everyday but she has pnemonia or some fatal illness so she can't come in for whole week which means i have to do EVEN MORE work finding people to do her shifts/doing her shifts/organising ways it can work.

Thank god it has been raining this week. If it were busy i would die and also shoot myself and also bury myself.

I've been looking at houses lately for moving. I've been in bedford for So long (almost two years) and i think i need to find somewhere new. Though i do love that house i don't think i can handle another cockroach. Last night i was trying to be all ritzy and have some nice wine (goon) while watching The Fatties and eating dinner. but as i put my glass down i noticved some foreign matter in it. I realised it was a cockroach. I'm not sure how it got in there.. but it made me sick.

I think if bedders got a complete makeover i might be more inclined to stay. I dunno. There is this very sweet looking house on Probert Street which is lovely and 3 bedrooms and delicious. I bike rode up there last night to have a peek and i was very cheerful. I would ahve stuck my nose up to the windah but i think people were still living there.

I prolly wont get any of these houses im applying for.. and i guess that will cement me in bedford for another.. few fucking years.

I'm tired and my breaks over. I don't rested but at least i will stop thinking so much about annoying work annoyances.
  • Current Music
    Some Garbage

the sun is a disco ball

i feel cheerful because i organised to not work today. i woke up and usually when i wake up after accidentally falling asleep after my alarm goes off i'm always thinking 'i bet i have like 5 minutes to get to work' and sure as pie it is 11.30 and i work at 12. GAH
So, yeh after much contemplating over my work roster in my head i figured that the people already working could manage without me and i could ask one girl to stay back till we close and all would be sweet sweet delicious candy.
Last night we went and saw The Black Balloon. it was really sweet and i liked it. i was impressed by every cast member except the extras on the mental hadicap bus and also one secondary character.
I was just so not convinced by any of their acting and when they acted it just seemed like they were acting 'like retards' and that bothered me. but luckily that wasn't much of a feature and i was happy.
We saw a trailer for another aussie movie coming out soon. It's called (and thus is about) some girl's name with Burger at the end.
movie trailers are really fun.

Monday we were meant to see the black balloon but we planned this whole dinner thing and eventually we took too long to eat and yeh didn't go. but the dinner was good. and going out and doing things with friends this week has been so good so far. it is actually really nice to be able to go places and pay for things with my own money and stuff. It's so weird that money doesnt really mean anything to me now. i look and count thousands of dollars daily while i have none in my pockets and so it's given me this weird perception when it comes to moneys.
I think i came to some conclusion where i kinda just realised money wouldn't be something i ever have a lot of and i don't care.

Two of my finers are really manky and crisp. it's disgusting. I think it was partly because the chemicals at work ruin my skin from using them everyday and also putting bleach on someone's head without using gloves kinda worsened it. so now i'm stuck with this little crisp pink fingers.

I'm finding lately i keep having momentary loss of awareness of time and place. i'll be walking to somewhere but for 5 seconds i could be anywhere because this weird flow goes through me and there's no physical things around me.. well, there are but they don't seem to resemble anything familiar to me.
it ain't bad. it seems like it would be something scary. but i dont find it so.

i've been really, really angry at customers lately. with their rudeness. unneccesary rude people. and when i see them being so to my workers i kinda listen in on the conversation and then jump in and tell the rude complaining asshole who is boss. I really am not going to tolerate people that earn 60k a year coming in and making the life of my poor colleagues (who only get like $13 an hour) HELL! People want to act condescending to young people i'm just gonna serve them a big ol dish of condescending right back.
yeh so, disrespectful people are like the only people/things ailing me at the moment.
i'm thinking that respect is so misunderstood. they don't understand what respect is. and it bothers me.

bother brother.


I'm at work. how fun. I was dragged here this morning after a phone call exclaiming that some mole face decided to do a no show. I decided that i was not going to comprimise my sleep and therefore rather than getting up at 8 when they called i got up at 9 like i had planned. When i finally got here at 10 someone had already come in so i had 3 hours to sit around and do nothing since i erally didn't feel much like working so early nor did it look like they needed me around. So i sat in teh office and read mr. manson's autobio.

I must say i have always been pretty obsessed with this man but this really does cement my complete respect for this human being (on the level of never meeting or communicating). I'm really glad that i read it now rather than when i was a little bit less intelligent and when i focused more on the bad and feeling like a victim all the time because it really would have affected me in not the best way.

I've been thinking extensively whilst working today and consequiently i've been very disinterested in everything else i am doing.

Sadly, as much as i would like to, i don't think many of my thoughts will make it into this blog or any other palce for that matter. merely because by the time i get to do so it feels stale. they're not fresh ideas anymore. they're boring.

It's weird with this book. it takes me back to a place where i used to be not the happiest person but at the same time i was happy. I guess i'm finding this hard to articulate at the moment because i often like to be vague on purpose as to not completely sell my soul to everyone and then seem weak adn vulnerable.
I think reading this book i can kind of understand how some people go. Like people that would listen manson's music. They're kinda jaded and kinda unhappy with themselves in their place in society and so when they listen to music that kinda sums up how they feel they react in strange counter-productive ways. I feel a lot of people miss what he is saying a lot. and i'm not talking about christians and conservatives and basically 98% of the living but the fans. I find, from reading his book and what he has to say and where he comes from, people are misreading his lyrics and moving into some weird void.
I think the flaw is not in the misinterpreting fans nor is it the supplier. it's actually no one's fault or flaw it's just the fact that everyone is there own seperate entity that interprets their world in their way. it's all about perception. In this way, you can't have a saviour or a leader that can completely change people. people need to change in their own time and when and if they choose to.
someone may say they're changed but you don't think they have but if they feel different then they are different in some way.

I haven't completely hit the nail on the head with what i'm trying to prod at right now but hopefully by writing this small amount of text i can elaborate later. Once it's written down it gives me a chance to read over it a couple of tiems and then decide whether i really agree with it or not.

On a completely different note, i decided i don't want the benefits which are centrelink payments. i would hardly call them benefits. and i feel bad because i know i used to be this advocate for taking as much from the government as they will let you and also other friends who want to get centrelink can't and they really want to and here i am having it but ignoring it. The reason is because i cannot stand what going there does to my mind. it's very draining and it's not the waiting in lines or anything it's just seeing th thousands of people waiting in line. their whole week revolves around this one fotnightly payment and it breaks my heart and it has for far too long and now that i have at least a leg to stand on (possibly a peg leg) then i should just do what is best for me and not go back.
I also haven't explained my feelings completely on centrelink yet but i'm not entriely sure how at the mo.

My break is drawing to a close so i best be off so i can prepare for another 3 hours of making drinks and resenting a company policy so much.
i'm tempted to launch into a schpeeeel about how much i detest boost but i wont. it's just like an organised religion or a cult. i hate it. hate it.
why push? i think pulling is better. pull things out rather than push things onto.

  • Current Music
    some shitty boost playlist that i made


Currently I am watching So You Think You Can Dance. It so doesn't seem as good as america's. perhaps australian choreographers are shitter. perhaps the dancers are crap.

Anyhow, last night was mardi gras and you know, i completely avoided everything about it and i am so glad for it. You know, if i went out i would have been thinking about how crowded and drunk and annoying people are which would have ruined my night and i'm much glader to have stayed home watching Marie Antionette, America's Next Top Model and The Simpsons.
I was having discussions last night about the whole thing. imagining just a lot of people going out thinking 'oh, i love gay people. they're so fun! and i love how i can go out and just dress crazy!'
it's so dumb. i feel like there is not much of a sense of community and also like a sense patronising from the 'straight community' although i don't even believe in this community bullshit.

So, work has been a joy. a stressful joy. For those who i've not told my boss left to go to Singapore so i've had to be the stand in manager for like two weeeks. which has been pretty fun. and when she gets back she's going to teach me other stuff so i can climb the corporate effing ladder. hopefully i can be a manager. of boost. LOLZ

The stress hasn't been very obvious. i'm not sure why i used the word stressful. what a dumb choice. i feel so unusual right now. I'm going to have a housewife themed party at my little house soon. in a couple weeks. it shall be fun. I would love for my babies to come as all different kinda of housewives. a broad spectrum of housewives. eg. stepford wives,aussie bogan mums (incl. kath and kim style mums), 50s housewives.

endless, endless possibilities.

i have been feeling in a really bloggy mood these days but now (as always) when the situation arises i'm out of the flow.

Oh, i finished reading Chart Throb. it was really a really fun book to read. But, as always with books, I get so annoyed by the conclusions because after a whole novel of complexities and thick plots and shit it gets summarised in one chapter in the end. it's never a gradual letting down of a balloon to be metaphoric. So yeh, longer conclusions please.

anyhow, i might push on and try and do something fun. fun fun fun

  • Current Music
    so you think you can dance