stale bread, yeah is hot!

this always happens. Sleep is never my thing, i don't think it will ever become my big thing.
Writing in this livejournal has never been my thing, either. Well, it once was, but now it's a big bloody mess of sad old entries about how i used to be cool.

Going on a road trip tomorrow. It's to be major! going to Brisbane. Matt's Bruz called today saying he and haley were having a car and jetsetting off to bris, did we want to come. Our resounding response was, why not!?
It's not like i do anything around here anyhow. That being sad, i've been Mr. Anxiety ever since committing to this but at the same time this new found spontaneity will somehow prove to be a powerful tool in the future.

perhaps this is why i cannot sleep.

To pass the time of not sleeping i am undertaking a gruelling task. I'm going through my itunes.. and well, so i downloaded ALL of tori amos' Legs and Boots albums.. and they're the live show bootlegs.. and there are 27 albums.. or is it 17. or is it less. i can't remember. anyhow, the number 7 comes to mind.. and so does 27 but i don't think there are that many. Anyhow, so obviously it's going to happen that i have double ups.. and so i'm trying to narrow down to ONE version of each song. Very brain draining yet very addictive. esp annoying when there are 12 versions of the one song and especially when it's a song i don't particularly feel special about.

In other news, i'm currently pink as pink can be. Went to the beach today with mattsy and yeh lied in the sun for like a million hours. Hilarious, it was the nudist beach. So many mini debacles. My favourite event of the day was a naked man who was strangely overweight in this tumour esque way.. and he went for a little dip.. and we thought he had falling over in the water... but when he got up he was holding a fish in his hand. so somehow he pounced at this fish and caught it with his bare hands. His bare, naked hands! so comical.
i was generally so amused by the amount of naked brown old people there were. there was some sort of gay side and some straight side but i think they sometimes chopped and changed but mostly those groups. the gay side was a half beat/half beach. I have to say, at first i felt a little objectified but i soon moved it out of my mind and enjoyed myself. for the record, i was not a nudist. i have no desire to have tanned genitals. not just yet at least.

what other shit has been going down in my life, you ask. to be honest, i don't know what foot we left off on and really here and now is what matters so i won't dwell on what has happened and hope for the best that my brain doesn't wonder into Alzheimer's land and i am left without that chunk of months documented.

Oh geez, i just suddenly lost my jazz for typing. again, i may have to bail.


I should never drink tea (or caffeine altogether) again! it's hell. even a meaningless cup of teas sends me over the deep end. I'm so jittery and wild. i can't handle it.

Today has disappointed me. It was not the sunny beast i had hoped for. I wanted to eb amazing and sit out in the sun and write letters and shit but it's one cloudy sadness with tempting parcels of tiny sun.

So, we have chickens now. Wild i know. its been about 24 hours and bromley hasn't killed them yet. but perhaps rival birds or rats will. these rival birds i speak of are hell. I mean they're nice to look at but it's just not a good idea to have me and large scary birds in a similar vicinity. i live in fear everytime i go outside. well, once they were fighting and they swooped so close to my face. i have never been the same since.

So, last night i had the mini dinner party at jon and kris' house. it was joy to the max. and against everyone's advice i bike rode home. with a mini train ride in between. When the i got off the train and was riding home i stopped thinking about what i was doing and started thinking about the gears on the bike and when this happens (the thinking about other things but riding) something accident will always prevail. so i smashed into this car. it was parked and had no one in it but i think i broke off their side view mirror. oops. i then found one of those cross trainers and i carried it home. it was so hell. wheeling my bike and carrying this beast of a machine and crossing a main road in Ashfield. not good. but i got here. and it was joyful.

Anyhow, the world's most borin' thing. i should go.


was just looking over my journal and the last thing i've posted was about the whole Michael Jackson death thing. what a long time ago. I didn't want that to linger.
*reflects on the media for a second*

OK, so after basically a million years of applying for jobs i got my very first call back! wtf! after 3 months of applying!? ok, so the story is it's for this boring call centre and shit but it has the good hours and the good rates and if i only have to spend 5 hours there a day.. like.. i have 19 more to myself. building strength. I have sent out a plea to the universe, to the angels to any sort of other worldy and helpful forces to give me strength to do this. I will have to draw from and channel so many beings to work this job. But, it will happen when i don't need them all the time. Actually, what am i saying? i haven't even gotten this job yet right? but i'm pretty sure that since i've secured a face to face interview i can pretty much rule and get the job. Seriously, the only times i fuck up is over the phone. stupid phone. people always catching me at bad hours. lame.

what else is new? or old as the case may be. So, i live in the Ashfield house. Where i wanted to live for so long and now that i'm there i realised it's not all it's cracked up to be. Actually no, that can be taken the wrong way. I knew i wasn't 100% into it when i found out i was able to move in but i take what i can get. This is the ideal house for me at this very moment of being on the old cenno and shit. $80 a week rent is basically my fave thing. the bottom line is that ashfield sucks and it's name should be permanently changed to assfield. nah, it has it's perks but seriously i'm not going to go into them. it would benefit no one for me to praise a place which i was neutral about. what sense does this make?

so, i made a new friend too. this is fun! the thing that was most exciting for me was that he was one of the gays who weren't 100% wanting to have the pants party. i don't approve of the instant pants party or even any pants party at all. so i have 100% relief. and it has been what i have been wanting for a little bit. a friend or a group or something separate from what i have now. Someone similar to me with similar interests but totally not into the hippy/doof scene. and it's not like i don't appreciate that but sometimes i need the little bit of the breaks. it becomes taxing when i have to enter that zone every second of the day. well, not every second, i exaggerate but yes. I think i just need people around to affirm me of myself. and it's not like i don't already have friends that aren't into these things but i wanted more. more freshness. Fragrant and Fresh.

my userpic is so old. i was just looking at it. so very old. i really don't invest any time into this livejournal business anymore. i keep hitting up the old facebook cause i can deliver short and punch accounts on my life through a status updates. which brings me joy.

oh, it's kinda dark. i was going to bicycle to chippendale/redfern but i feel this dark may be the end of me. p.s. i am 100% into the healthy life these days as well. I'm hell bent on the exercising and shit. I'm gonna buy a one month membership thingy to the pools on thursday and see how that works out. Considering i am not the world's best swimmer it may be quite a challenge to be swimming laps. but i loves the water. but then public pools are so heavily chlorinated i might die. *invests in googles*. So, i'm going to have a housewarming party at some stage too. it will be brills. it's a big under the sea theme. i must visit this realm through a themed party at some stage in my life. i am 100% into the sea and i'm pretty much convinced i am a mermaid. perhaps a merman, if they exist. nah, i'm too glamourous to be a merman. so plain. mermaid = the bomb. esp the beastly ones.

so i might GTFO

everyone's at it

What a World! (i'm melting)
I don't want to start my entry off with something about Michael but it's the only thing i can think of that happened recently in my life. ha! It was a strange thing to find out but at the same time it didn't come as a surprise to the practically thinking mind. Although, i had a weird feeling the night before which prompted me to tell matt that i felt like i was going to die in my sleep. The presence of death was so prominent around me before i went to sleep. It very well could have been around the same time as his downfall. I woke up at 8.30 to a phonecall from emsie informing me of the unfortunate news.
I felt weird all of yesterday but then i got past in a way that always seems to work for me; getting drunk and talking about it (perhaps a bit too much)
The thing about death though that i really am not into is the euphemisms people use. Like someone being gone and things that really display that people think death is the end. I think it's a very Christian thing and we do live in a very christian dominated society so it makes sense. When i think about it, he hasn't made any music for like the last maybe 9 years and so there's no sense in saying what's going to happen to music? he is a legend and legends don't get forgotten. What everyone loves him for is the music that he released in the 80s and 90s and has always existed. It existed as amazing music the day before he died, a week before and it will continue to exist until forever. I think i get a bit high and mighty a little bit when a death happens. People either talk about the person/death with either a harsh way which makes it look like they don't really care, they're just saying it because that's what they are expected to say/feel and some people get the hysteria where they think they need to justify to the world how great someone was. I think the bottom line is i should have avoided facebook completely yesterday. So many hellish status updates making me sick. The problem here though is me. not anyone else. that's the way it goes. It's not anyone else's wrong doing but my own. i'm gonna bail!

Northern Lights

It's very strange. I decided to listen to Scarlett's Walk and all of a sudden i am transported back to when i was in year 10. i can't remember how old that makes me? 15? (shit that written down seems like a long time ago yet it feels so close in my mind) and i started thinking about livejournal. I must have been obsessed with livejournal back then.. I think possibly i was. It was probably because i was wanting to reach out and find a thousand people i could connect with that represent me in a justified way. Nowadays, that is all i'm surrounded in (or perhaps im more personality eclectic) so i have nil desire in trying to find peeps like me.
I think these days whenever i am not talking i have this internal monologue/blog going on and on and on and on and on and i sort of blog or write down things in my head. This tiny little diary in my head and when i get to a place where i can actually document any of this i can really replicate the mood or something so it never happens. It's a shame because i think so many things that i want to share that sound interesting to me and i think it could translate into sounding interesting to other people. Sucks to be me and my lack of expressive instruments. must get hobbies pronto.

I've been reading the book Tori Amos released called Piece by Piece. At first i was bit unsure whether i'd get into it or not and then suddenly it gets really amazing and like this spirit in me is released and I'm getting all philosophical and such. It made me sort of realise my talents or my ability to pass along things.

Something else quite amazing in my life as of late is that i just one day last week decided to let go of this hermit attitude i've been adopting for the last 3 months or however long i've lived at matt's. For months i have just been too comfortable living here but in a way where i was completely uncomfortable and i didn't think i cold go out and find a place of comfort so i just let myself sit here and fester and not expand and see my friends and such. I decided matt was my only friend. I was comfortable with this. Then all of a sudden i go out and i see all my other friends and i realise there is so much more there for me. It comes at a good time because i am almost at this insanity point living here. I would to get out of this joint. There are many things holding me back. Like, partially things out of my control but things i can endeavour to change but with things as they are i cannot instantly leave. I must go back a few steps and just add this point onto my thing. I had this weird idea that my only comfort could come from this house. Like, sleeping in my bed etc but ironically the most comfortable and best sleep i've had has been when i have stayed at friend's houses in the last week. even sharing a single mattress on poppy's floor was really comfortable. i was surprised!

The other night, it was Tuesday, a couple of us went to Bingo! at some Ashfield leagues club or some shit. It was pretty amazing. On the first round matt won! then laura one soon after that and Nicole also one. that was half of our table. pretty good. The theory is that because mostly old people go to bingo they are probably not as quick as us young and virile folks. so a $20 is like heaven for us poor folks. It's hilarious. we are turning to free bingo in our poverty stricken days. These old people don't NEED food vouchers. They're all rich and cooshy in their pension ways. Boo! i want all the prizes. So yeh, Tuesday at bingo is going to be a regular thing. We are going to become yeniuses and have like 3 booklets at once just stamping away like crazy hopefully winning all the prizes!

I'm all about the prizes. Anything i can acquire for free i would appreciate being alerted to. Even if it's somewhat illegal or frowned upon. I'm down. so down.

ok, i'm sorta over this shit now.

Fair Game

So, What's New on the old livejournal world?

Today i head off for Brisbane... Very much fun. I don't particularly like the place but it's an adventure and when you have some friends that live their it's muchly amazing to see them because you don't often come across people as special as that. So yeh, the Punky Beudster is paying for matt and i to go up their because she is a beast of a million charities. Just for the fun of it, I invited Emma as well. She is paying herself but still. I'm so thrilled she is coming too. Everytime i've been up there i've thought to myself that it would be so much more joy if she was there too. Especially since everytime i've gone up there i've gotten some sort of horrible depression. Not horrible, temporary and fleeting but unpleasant nonetheless.

I did the most ridiculous thing this morning. I woke up after dreaming about delicious Orange Slushie.. like a Sunkist made into slushie.. and i had to settle for crappy water. This always happens to me. Especially on hangover days. I dream about the most amazing and satisfying bevvies and then i wake up and all i have is water. What a downer. Damn wine and it's delicious qualities but occasional day-after consequences and inconveniences.

*hates it*

*loves it*

So, more about my travels right? When i get back from ye olde brisbane i sit around stagnant for ten days and then i head down to the ever so cosmopolitan Melbourne. Again, i recruited Emma to come down with me. It was $29 (!!!!!!) down. what a joy. I am actually just a leech again. Jess was going down and i decided to just tag along. I have to find some hellish accommodation in the form of backpackers/youth hostels... i wish i had a friend/friends in melbourne who could accommodate for me and my complex existence.. BOO!
anyone know where i can squat? haha. nah, no squatting.. too cold.

My tiny feet are so cold. This should not be a waking hour. No, 530? what a foolish person i am.

I'm sure most people have seen this but i just want to delve into it's greatness. I'm sure most peeps have seen the Beyonce on The Morning Show video where she's all like 'i literally can't sing' with the whole.. someone altering all the singing so she sounds like the world's biggest fruitcake. So Amazing. I think it's actually the best thing to hit the Southern Hemisphere... OK, so someone just tells me it's not fake...? Am i watching the wrong thing? because literally it's so fake. so freaken fake. No one in their right mind would sing with the vocal quality etc that she does. I'm scared to find the video in case it gets taken down. I've noticed how it keeps miraculously disappearing off the internet.

Ok, it literally is the world's biggest prank. I just went out of my way to prove it. Not really to myself but for the backing up i am right.

I'm so crazy for The Simple Life now.. Well, for a while.. I'm developing some sort of Paris addiction. ha!
We watched the show Paris Hilton's My British Best Friend. same concept as the BFF how but a British one. Well, pretty obvious isn't it?

but yes, i spent a portion of my K-Rudd bonus on acquiring The third and forth season. delicious.

I think i've exhausted the whole posting thing. I will hopefully do more soon.

delicious nings.


Got myself somehow into a really good state of mind. For the first time in my life i am not waiting for nothing. I am not stagnant hoping to make my mind up about something but never actually sitting down and doing something about it. What a bizarre thing! So now i am waiting for things that are out of my control but i am not stagnant and hopefully i will not be stagnant for quite some time. Very good. Good like an apple.
I am pretty excited. Matt and I booked our tickets to Canberra. We are going in a week! i know our nation's capital is not the most exciting places to be bragging about going to but it's because of what and who is there. I get to see Switch. One of my best besties who i CANNOT WAIT! to see. She has her own appartment now. Which is two bedrooms which matt and i get to stay in. So much fun. And then the Folk Festival over the long weekend. The best thing ever. Oh, the volunteering aspect of the folk festival is not my most looked forward to moment but it gets me in for free. saving $180. this is always a positive. and it's just surveying people. I intend to just fill out a lot of them myself with different perspectives. haha.

To go with this brief update I shall do a fill out meme thing. (what the hell does meme mean? I should totally look it up for myself but i am lazy) I did it on facebooks. You answer questions with your answers being the names of songs from an artist of your choice. I chose tori amos on the facebooks. I'll do Bjork here i think.

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So, i think i have become unnaturally obsessed with drag queens. Mhmm. So many movies and stuff in the last 2 or 3 days that make me just want to.. make clothes.
Which i guess is a good thing because i'm starting some course thing very soon which will tell me how to.

Yesterday matt and i went on a 11km walk. It took like 3 hours. Marrickville and back. how fun. I freaken hate marrickville i have decided. Not even hatred but the fact that it incredibly depresses me when i go there. It's a wasteland.

The day before it was Rozelle and back. that was around 6km. Today i think the plan is Balmain. Go and sit at the wharf for a bit.

I have found a coping mechanism. A mantra, if you will. Now, these things i usually think of i have already discovered before but sometimes it takes me a while for the affect of the words or concept to sink in. Last night i was getting so aggravated by so many things to do with people. So bitter towards them. So judgmental. I just pick apart at people's personalities and just mentally rip them to shreds. I have comforted myself with telling myself that everyone has to survive and everyone is doing there thing to live a life they think is right for them. So, it sounds really simple and dumb but somehow it's had this profound effect on me and now i don't feel so aggressive towards people as of last night.

I wonder how long it will last.


My Gosh, I swear, moving out of a house never goes smoothly. Always drama! always excessive amounts of money owing. That's it! i Swear i resolved to do this last time but i am for reals going to be the Matron of the house and be a vigilante with all the rent things so there's not an amazing drama at the end where people probably end up paying more than they should.

Anyhow, the thing i hate the most, The Dramatics, is occurring so frequently these days. I have to just stand away and view it and not get involved. HELL!
The reason i am in such a hellish situation at the moment is because there was this whole thing where i was going to move into this house with amazingly cheap rent $80 a week! in Ashfield. very very good. I think for 2 months i (and a couple of others) had this idea where we were all going to move in and it would be the most amazing house of epic proportions and cheerfulness would be had. We're all fantasising every day about the excellence that will occur i our lives and then all of a sudden we have to move out of Croydon and Laura and Geoff move to Ashfield and I am thinking that The Toners and I would be there pretty soon after. Everyone from that house is moving out. But, as it all works out everyone that is there decides to stay. Thus, we have no house with delicious cheap rent.
We're back on the house hunting page.

many, many stresses. Although as i type this the stress has actually become productive. I am already working towards fixing everything and everything feels like it has a resolution. I just wanted to record this certain time. The ultimate solution for me is that there's only a week. just a week left. and this stress is over and lifted from my shoulders completely. When i hand those keys in next monday i will drink a thousand drinks to celebrate.

what a boring thing to say


Aloha from Spain!

Note: i'm not actually in Spain.

Tomorrow matt's family go to New Zealand that means that the house is 50% mine. Which freaks me out a little bit. I will feel so out of my depth. I don't think i will even properly relax without anyone here. Infact, it may feel even more disorderly in my head. Anyhow, to compensate for matt not being here i am actually giving myself so many social endeavours. The next three days are hectic. I have had to use the nifty iCalendar on this computer to sort out my days so that i don't accidentally tell someone i can do something with them.. it's what i tend to do because i don't see people so often and they ask me to do something i'll just say yes without thinking about it because i want to see them so much. Oops.

I'm so incredibly tired but sleep is such a task to me. The process of trying to go to sleep is soo freaken hard!
I have to think about sleep so hard that i end up thinking too much and can't sleep. damn vicious cycles.

at least it's still before midnight.

Tomorrow, i am going to Kelly's for trivia with Poppy, Emma and i'm not sure who else is coming along but it will sure be great. I just have to avoid drinking to excessively strange stages this time and doing hilarious karaoke after the trivia and yeh. Well, last time i just .. i don't think i could actually sing so i sang badly on purpose. I was fearful no-one would get my joke. My friends did. I wonder what the patrons thought though. GULLLLL! But yes, should be fun.

I went to Newtown today.. I was absolutely shocked because (as i had previously discovered) the shop Holey Moley had closed and i was there a couple of days ago and matt said to me "i hope they don't paint over the artworks here" because they had some really good paintings on the outside of that shop. and when we went there today it had been painted over.. and not only had it been painted over, it had been painted over very very badly. with this hideous WHITE paint.. the wall was like this yellowish colour! why not just do it properly. what idiots. I was having the discussion as well that Newtown has really lost it's "alternative" thing that it used to have. Most of the alternative shops have kind of gone bung. All that's left really is the hairdressers and like some shops on enmore road. It's balls. It's really becoming this big trend fest. And all the delicious foods that i used to revel in have gone. or at least, gotten really popular and thus expensive and stingy. LAME!

I went to Centrelink today, it was so depressing. I had the world's worst "customer service agent" he was actually the a giant douche cunt. so unhelpful and matter of fact and uncompassionate. I was rude to him though. I demeaned his job which i think got him defensive and therefore more unhelpful which resulted in me being sarcastic and rude. But in the end, i got my most favourite worker at the centrelink and i was extremely grateful that it al worked out. A girl was hysterically crying though. That was the depressing part. It was hell! it's all just so protocol that no one will really help. Nothing can be done to help people. No one wants to help. It sucks. The good thing is, because i am sick, i don't have to go in every fortnight and hand to forms so i can get paid. I just get paid automatically. It's awesome. Woo @ me.

I spent like $20 at the supermarket today. All i actually bought was bevvys and beverage additions. I bought no real solid food. Liquid Diet anyone?

Anyhow, i might do this fun thing where I was tagged by martinemonster to do this little thingy.

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