It's very strange. I decided to listen to Scarlett's Walk and all of a sudden i am transported back to when i was in year 10. i can't remember how old that makes me? 15? (shit that written down seems like a long time ago yet it feels so close in my mind) and i started thinking about livejournal. I must have been obsessed with livejournal back then.. I think possibly i was. It was probably because i was wanting to reach out and find a thousand people i could connect with that represent me in a justified way. Nowadays, that is all i'm surrounded in (or perhaps im more personality eclectic) so i have nil desire in trying to find peeps like me.
I think these days whenever i am not talking i have this internal monologue/blog going on and on and on and on and on and i sort of blog or write down things in my head. This tiny little diary in my head and when i get to a place where i can actually document any of this i can really replicate the mood or something so it never happens. It's a shame because i think so many things that i want to share that sound interesting to me and i think it could translate into sounding interesting to other people. Sucks to be me and my lack of expressive instruments. must get hobbies pronto.
I've been reading the book Tori Amos released called Piece by Piece. At first i was bit unsure whether i'd get into it or not and then suddenly it gets really amazing and like this spirit in me is released and I'm getting all philosophical and such. It made me sort of realise my talents or my ability to pass along things.
Something else quite amazing in my life as of late is that i just one day last week decided to let go of this hermit attitude i've been adopting for the last 3 months or however long i've lived at matt's. For months i have just been too comfortable living here but in a way where i was completely uncomfortable and i didn't think i cold go out and find a place of comfort so i just let myself sit here and fester and not expand and see my friends and such. I decided matt was my only friend. I was comfortable with this. Then all of a sudden i go out and i see all my other friends and i realise there is so much more there for me. It comes at a good time because i am almost at this insanity point living here. I would to get out of this joint. There are many things holding me back. Like, partially things out of my control but things i can endeavour to change but with things as they are i cannot instantly leave. I must go back a few steps and just add this point onto my thing. I had this weird idea that my only comfort could come from this house. Like, sleeping in my bed etc but ironically the most comfortable and best sleep i've had has been when i have stayed at friend's houses in the last week. even sharing a single mattress on poppy's floor was really comfortable. i was surprised!
The other night, it was Tuesday, a couple of us went to Bingo! at some Ashfield leagues club or some shit. It was pretty amazing. On the first round matt won! then laura one soon after that and Nicole also one. that was half of our table. pretty good. The theory is that because mostly old people go to bingo they are probably not as quick as us young and virile folks. so a $20 is like heaven for us poor folks. It's hilarious. we are turning to free bingo in our poverty stricken days. These old people don't NEED food vouchers. They're all rich and cooshy in their pension ways. Boo! i want all the prizes. So yeh, Tuesday at bingo is going to be a regular thing. We are going to become yeniuses and have like 3 booklets at once just stamping away like crazy hopefully winning all the prizes!
I'm all about the prizes. Anything i can acquire for free i would appreciate being alerted to. Even if it's somewhat illegal or frowned upon. I'm down. so down.
ok, i'm sorta over this shit now.