Cake Boy (gasolinebreath) wrote,
Cake Boy
gasolinebreath

years

it has been years since i updated.

I am in such a bad state today. I don't know if this is unusual but i always seem to find that i can advise people on things when they seem to be down on things offer them solutions to how they can get themselves into a better place. but i never seem to be able to apply these things to myself. Perhaps i have faith in other people's strength to be able to get over things better than my own.

It's getting a bit bleak with my current job. I want to be a 'normal' person. i am so envious of every body elses ability to be a normal functioning member of society. I just don't know how to committ myself to something so shit. everyone else has this ability. What is this part of my brain that is missing? Why do i give up so easily? stupid mentality.

it sucks because i try try try try try so hard to be a good working person but i can't do it. What am i cut out for? i really don't know. don't know how to get out of this hell. a solution would be to find another job but this, again, would only be a temporary solution. Once i get past some sort of honeymoon stage with it it will just be as good as where i am working now which is not good at all. except it will be worse because where else can you find somewhere that lets you look however the fuck you wanted. my face could get burned off and i could still get a job there.. haha

no matter how many solutions people seem to offer me i cannot get out of this mind frame. I am a dog with no legs.

I have so many things i want to achieve but at the moment i can't achieve these without getting some sort of training but to get training i must get some sort of good paying job and be stable enough to go every day so i get paid and have enough money to live plus save. It's a suck ass situation.

this has been an entry of entirely whinging. can i turn it around?

i had better go.. visitors arrive. finish this saga later.
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